We keep hearing about fake news lately so I wanted to take a
minute to write about truth. Those of us who’re chronically ill and battling
daily pain and physical struggles do our share of faking it. I don’t mean this
in a bad way like the connotation associated with fake news. People hear about
fake news and are disgusted and who can blame them? But I want to explain what
faking it means to those of us struggling with our health.
Before I get into that I need to mention that those of us
who’re floxed often don’t have doctors that believe our health struggles are
real. Many are even referred for psychiatric consults. Things are changing
since the FDA actually defined our condition calling it FluoroQuinolone
Associated Disability or FQAD for short. But many doctors still won’t admit the
drugs they’re prescribing cause the pain and other health issues we have even
though they are written in the package insert under side affects. Not having
doctors believe us often leads to family and friends who deny our condition
exists too. For those of us injured this is frustrating to say the very least.
When we are the most in need of support from our loved ones and our doctors we
are denied. I’m fortunate to have family and friends who believe and support me
but I have had my fair share of doctors who didn’t. As a result I removed
myself from their care and kept searching until I found compassionate ones who
listen.
As a result many of us who are floxed fake being well. We
put a smile on our face and when people say how great we look we thank them. We
don’t tell them how much effort it took to shower, and get dressed just to see
them or that we’ll pay for it after by spending the rest of the day in pain or
in bed or both. And in some cases floxies can be bedridden for days after one
simple outing. I again count my blessings because I am past this point of
fatigue and feel I have improved slowly but steadily for the past couple of
years but I remember it well and I know countless others who struggle to perform
the simplest of daily tasks such as washing their hair. Sometimes these small
tasks cause that individual to spend the remainder of the day resting or in
bed.
This reminds me of a time when I was having a very rough
couple of days with fatigue, nausea, and headaches; in other words the works. I
saw my best friend who I’d tell anything to and she asked me how I was doing. I
replied that I was good and my husband looked at me and said really? Why don’t
you tell her about x, y, z and he started listing my ailments. My response was;
oh she doesn’t want to hear all that. And she looked at me and said “yes I do!”
I was faking being well and my husband called me out. But this had become a
part of my life so it was hard to admit sometimes that I wasn’t.
This brings to mind another issue. I had so many things
going wrong with my health that I’d only tell my husband about the most
troubling one. As a result he didn’t really understand how sick I was. I kept
thinking that these things would go away and as any floxie knows the myriad of
symptoms we endure changes endlessly. They can last seconds, minutes, hours,
days, weeks or months but they are ever changing and cycling in severity and
duration. So I’d mention that my Achilles hurt but not that my hands were numb
or not functioning, that my legs felt like cement, my shoulders ached, my
muscles were in constant spasm in one spot or another, and/or that I had
vibrations and tingling in places. So he didn’t know how bad off I was. I
reached a point where I realized I needed to tell him more so he would know
what I was going through. Then I began telling my close friends too so they
would understand. It was difficult opening up and speaking the truth but it was
important too. I’m a mother so I was the caretaker. Needing to be taken care of
was humbling and difficult for me but I had no choice. I had to face my truth
and let others know too.
I’m quite sure that all of us with chronic health conditions
no matter what caused them have done our fair share of faking being well or
if not "well" then at least okay. So I ask you today to think about this; what’s
your truth?
Yours in Truth,
Betsy
