We all know about children who have imaginary friends and
perhaps you were one of those children when you were growing up. An imaginary
friend is invisible and can accompany that child anywhere he/she goes; a friend
that doesn’t judge you but rather remains available as a constant companion.
Since I became sick with a mysterious illness over ten years
ago let me tell you about my imaginary “friend”; my constant companion who’s
never been far from my side all this time until recently that is. My imaginary
friend accompanied me everywhere and was never far from my thoughts. A
companion I’ve known very well but one that didn’t help me. My imaginary friend
held me back and kept me in a dark place. My imaginary friend was quite simply
put – Fear. My “friend” Fear was always with me; a constant in my mind
preventing me from fully and completely living. What did I fear you might ask;
so many things would be my answer. I feared getting sicker and developing more
health issues. I feared my pain would increase, my motor function would
continue to worsen and so much more. If you are floxed then I’m sure you’re
familiar with the plethora of side effects. As my “friend” became more involved
in my life I fell further into that pit of darkness. I even feared doing things
I love.
At my worst point I cried and prayed for help. This became a
regular thing for me some days as I was in a very dark place but it was in that
place I began to hear my inner voice. It is that voice that led me to create
this blog and the journey that led me out of my despair. Listening to my inner
voice led me to relinquish my desire to be in control of everything and start
to trust in the process of life. By trusting in life, myself, others and God I’ve
been able to let go of my imaginary friend. To be honest it hasn’t been easy
but things worth doing rarely are. It’s a process and I’d be silly to think
that my fear will be gone forever however it’s no longer a constant in my every
day decisions. It still pops up now and again but I’m finding it easier to deal
with. How did I do it? With trust, prayer, and a friend who told me about Amy
Scher, an author, who’s suffered severe chronic illness from which she’s recovered.
Her journey wasn’t easy and her recovery complete until she dealt with the
emotional side of illness and her fears.
So I’m currently working on my emotional healing and releasing
my imaginary friend; Fear. A “friend” that wasn’t helping me move forward but
rather holding me back from all the good things I still have in my life; a previously
constant companion that kept me in a dark dreary and unhappy place. By saying
goodbye to my “friend” I’ve found more joy, love, hope, and happiness in my
life. I’ve even returned to trying old things that I loved and did before such
as horseback riding. I’m not galloping in the woods or soaring over jumps again
but who knows… One day I just might try.
If fear is your companion as a result of chronic illness and
pain please consider releasing it and instead live in your now. Find something
in your life to be thankful for even if it’s a very small thing. In my opinion
the small things in life are often the very best. I embrace them and enjoy them
as much as I can. My wish for you is that you reconnect with those things that
bring you joy and in doing so you too can let go of fear and find peace and
happiness again.
Yours in Faith,
Betsy
