Gratitude

Such a simple word with such a powerful meaning. As a chronically ill person this one word stretches into a magnitude which is difficult to describe. My reliance on others for help to do day to day things has left me with such tremendous gratitude for even the simplest of things and very recently this took on a life of its own.

You see I’m going to try yet another therapy that is not covered by insurance to regain my health. This treatment is far more expensive than anything I’ve done up to this point. Yes I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on alternative healing modalities over the years that I’ve been sick but this one treatment alone costs tens of thousands of dollars. So for the first time in my life I created a GoFundMe fundraiser to ask for help. It’s kind of funny because I actually went on to their site to check out the platform, loaded a previously written blurb, uploaded a picture and went to see what was next to do thinking that there would be a spot to review it before making it final and the next thing I saw was “your GoFundMe is now live!” I sat there thinking; what? How did that happen? Because anyone who knows me knows that when I do something I set it up and walk away often going back several times to reread it to determine whether I like it or not and whether I’m conveying the message I intended in the way I intended. It can be days before I post something I’ve written to my blog as I want to be clear in my message. So suffice it to say I’m cautious. And imagine my surprise when I got that message!

Well there must have been some divine intervention at work to get me up and running with this because the response has been overwhelming. I’m in awe at the kindness the people in my life have shown. Some that I don’t even know! What’s also blown me away is how my children’s friends have stepped up to help out. Many of which I’ve known since they were in grade school. My gratitude for how they have helped me and my family is hard to put in words. Every single person who has shared my fundraiser or donated has touched my heart in a way that I can’t describe. Every donation whether it is from family, friend, acquaintance or stranger, and whether it is for $5 or $500 has brought me to tears. Because I know the small amounts are from people who have very little and yet they still want to help. I’ve been crying for days. I’ve had others crying with me as they see how much their gesture means to me. They are tears of gratitude.

It’s humbling to ask for help. I didn’t want to. But some dear friends of mine that I’ve met through the support groups for floxies encouraged me to do so and I’m grateful that they did. One day perhaps after my treatment I will be healthy enough to pay it forward. For now however I’m still housebound so I will continue trying to help others by writing words of encouragement, sharing my knowledge of nutrition and natural remedies, and being as compassionate as I can be to those like me that are suffering.

This journey of mine has taught me many things. But the biggest lesson I’ve learned recently is the inherent goodness in people. People want to help! I don’t like to ask for help as I defined myself as the mom and caretaker of my family for many years. It’s difficult to ask but the kindness of others I’ve witnessed these last few days has blown me away and humbled me like nothing else.  My only hope is that I’ve been able to touch others in a way that so many of you have touched my heart this week. If I manage to do that then I will have lived a good life. My gratitude for the people in my life has left me full of love. My heart is overflowing. May your journey in life be one of learning, may it be filled with love, and may you know the power of gratitude.

Forever Grateful, Betsy