As the holiday season approaches I think of how nice it will
be to see my friends and family. I also acknowledge how stressful all the
social gatherings can be. Over the years I’ve developed ways to cope with the
chaos and my physical limitations which I want to share with those like me
suffering chronic health issues.
The first thing that I think of with the holidays is stress.
As much as the holidays are about joy, friendship, and love so too are they
filled with stress for those of us dealing with chronic illness. When you’re struggling
with functioning on a normal day the added organized chaos of the holidays can
be overwhelming. I recently read a book that touched on coping with stress. My
take away from it and what I now practice is a process of acknowledging stress
when I feel it. I say “Hello stress”, smile, and mentally embrace it. I say “I
know you are there” and then add “thank you for letting me know I’m alive”. I
find this simple acknowledgement reduces its power over me and I go from a
feeling of dread and anxiety to one of peace and looking forward to doing what
was making me stressed in the first place. Please try it and let me know if it
helps you too.
Before I became ill and as a mom of three boys the home was my domain. I did all the shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry
as well as working and volunteering. I’m no longer physically able to do those
things so I enlist help and I recommend you do too.
As an example my husband now cooks dinner as I’m limited in what I can do. So
this past Thanksgiving I thought about what I could do and what we needed. We
hosted a small gathering at our house which meant cooking a full meal and
desserts. We love pie so two days before I enlisted my husband’s help to make pumpkin
pie. Then the next day I enlisted my son to peel the apples for apple pie for
me and had him there to assist me as I put it all together. Next I had him
put it in the oven for me and when it was done he removed it to cool. The next
day I peeled what potatoes I could and when my hands started cramping and
hurting I stepped aside, had my son take over and directed my other sons to set
the table. It turned into a real family affair prepping for our dinner and it
was one of the nicest meals I’ve ever had.
How we got ready for Thanksgiving in our house brings me to
my next tip for survival which is to pace yourself. While it seems a simple
concept it’s very easy to get swept up in the commotion and forget this
important tip. How I’ve learned to accomplish this is to schedule things in
such a way that I have some down time to regroup and recover between
activities. This is very important when dealing with chronic pain and fatigue.
It allows you a chance to put your feet up and give yourself some time before
you tackle something else. It also ties into how I prepared for Thanksgiving as
you might have noticed I didn’t try to make two pies in one day but rather
spread them out over two days. And then Thanksgiving morning when there were
more able bodies around we put them to work. We celebrate Christmas in my house
and I’ve had a request to make my raspberry white chocolate cheesecake which is
a labor of love. I made this before I got floxed but it is time consuming and
physically demanding so for years I stopped making it even though the requests kept
coming. So now I make the raspberry puree before I make the cheesecake as it
requires pressing raspberries through a strainer to remove the
seeds. It’s time consuming and often causes my hands to cramp and become
painful. However I’ve found that if I do this the day before then I’m good to
do the rest the next day. I’m all about pacing myself now and I’ve found doing so helps
me to get through the holidays in pretty good shape.
I’ve also learned to adapt my expectations. By this I mean
I’ve adjusted to my limitations so I know what I can do and what I can’t and my
family has as well. When someone offers to help me by getting me something to
eat or drink I let them and am thankful for it. While this might seem a simple
thing it’s an important one. You see I used to be so independent and capable
that I didn’t need help because I was the caretaker. The roles have changed however
and now I’m the one who needs help. Learning to accept help was difficult but I
have adapted and now do so graciously.
And last but not least if you need something let people know.
If it’s the comfortable chair in the room and you’re in pain and need to sit
down then ask politely if you could use the chair for a few minutes. If you’re
thirsty or hungry enlist someone to get you a drink or food. Or if you need to
lie down somewhere quiet for a minute do that too. If you’re at a social
gathering and are feeling rundown and know you have a commitment tomorrow then
say your thank you’s and head home. It took me time to get to the point where I
spoke up when I needed something. For a long time I tried to push through and
do things myself but I found that it didn’t work out well so I’ve had to
change. We spread out our commitments to what I can manage and I ask for help
and try to state my needs more clearly.
So pace yourself, enlist help, adapt your expectations, ask
for what you need, and acknowledge that the stress you may be feeling lets you
know you’re alive. Recognize that feeling stressed means you’re living life in
all its beautiful chaotic glory and be thankful for it. It’s amazing how simply
acknowledging it in a positive way defuses the anxiety and worry that often goes hand in hand
with feeling stressed. If you’re still feeling anxious squeeze those limes and
drink the juice for some help with anxiety or pause for a few minutes to do
some deep breathing and meditation to help you relax.
So try to enjoy this holiday season and embrace the love of
being with family and friends with all the craziness and commotion. You can do
this!
Yours in Holiday Spirit,
Betsy
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